As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
