You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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