He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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