I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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