did you get engaged???
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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