I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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