I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
