we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
