i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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