One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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