You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize