You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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