your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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