ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
