why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize