Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
