Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
