Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
