Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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