I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize