Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
