i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
