Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
