remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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