i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
