Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
