I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
