do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
