Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize