it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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