just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
