My girlfriend figured out who you are.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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