you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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