I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
