East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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