how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize