I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You pole danced in your parka.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
