I faked an abortion last night.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
