haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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