half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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