Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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