if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
