He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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