Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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