nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
