Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize