I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize