Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
