Im at strip club and am horny
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
