Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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