In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
