I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
