Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
