You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She's the barista slut.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
