he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
