Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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