she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
