I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
