Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
