Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
