wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
