who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
