shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
