wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
