Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
