Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
