in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In other news, I just burned my penis
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
