just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
