I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
