never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
